do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
