We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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