I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
