Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Can I color on your dick again?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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