My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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