I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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