Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
