Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
