i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
