It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it because I queefed?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
