i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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