i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
