Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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