Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
