Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
