Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
