hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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