Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
