Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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