You can't special order awesome
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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