I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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