I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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