just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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