I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
