She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
