John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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