I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
