I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
