I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
