Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
