I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
