My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
