Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
