just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
