You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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