dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
