i would punch a child for taco bell
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
