Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
