May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
