remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
