I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
