That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
