OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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