This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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