I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
