spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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