oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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