this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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