i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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