I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Alive.
So much puke
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
