WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
