Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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