Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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