i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
