if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize