when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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