remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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