Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
