Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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