I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
MIDGETS
????
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
