I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
