I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
