dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
