Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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