Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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