Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
