i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
