You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
